A Lesson in Humility

Disclaimer: I apologize for the length but this will be long post. :) Just a warning.

I admit that one of my qualities that I have to work on is the fact that I am full of pride. Pride is not necessarily a bad thing. I take pride in the things I do, that's why I know it is the best that I can give. Although sometimes, pride can also get the best of you. There are times when I let it take control of me that I do not give others the chance to explain. It is sad, and I know that it is something I must work hard on changing.

Add to that a side of being very emotional. I am a passionate person. Especially when it comes to the things I love. Be it with people, things or events in my life. I believe that being passionate about something helps a person strive to be the best in whatever they choose to do. But being too passionate can also lead to a lot of drama. One thing that I am all too familiar with.

I was talking to a friend last night and it got me thinking. When did it change for me? And that's when I realized it changed when I felt that something was being taken away from me. My choice. It's hard to explain without going into detail and it's something I would like to leave in the past. But after that incident...everything changed. It was like I was on a mission to prove that I was someone who made her own choices. I made a lot of wrong choices but it was something I learned a lot from. But I digress...

While fighting to fall asleep I started to have a conversation with God. I was asking Him to help me figure out what it was that I should be doing with my life. I am starting to panic. I keep thinking, what was it that lead me to where I am? It was then that I realized that I am no one. (yes loved ones, I know I am not really no one to you) Who did I think I was? Why did I think that I was sooooo much better than everyone else when in fact I haven't done anything that helped make anyone else's life better. I had accomplishments at work, yes, but what did that have to say about the kind of person that I am? Then it hit me...I am too proud. I feel like I know everything when in fact I am still learning. I feel that I accomplished so much when in truth I have done nothing to help others make their lives better.That's just it...I think too highly of myself. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of what I accomplished. I worked hard for it. But it shouldn't end there. I have too much to learn to think I know everything. I have too much to share to think I have given enough. I have too much to give to think that there is nothing more.

So last night I learned that to be a better person you have to accept the fact that you have so much more to earn from life. Yes earn, because nothing is given for free. Everything you must work hard for. So thank you, to everyone who helped me get to where I am today. I am sorry for being too proud. I am ready to learn what it is I still need to learn.

So life...bring it on!

Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
- Captain Corelli's Mandolin

Movie of the Week: Prince of Persia

The bu and I love watching movies! :) Every time there's something nice to watch on the big screen we're there with our movie buddies, Marky and Alay! :) And last night we watched Prince of Persia.

I, being a girl, admit that I know nothing about video games. I vaguely remember the ones I used to play as a girl, Zelda tops the list followed by Sonic the Hedgehog and The Lion King on Sega. :) But I also vaguely remember playing Prince of Persia with my brothers! So I was somewhat excited to watch this, although I really don't remember how the game went anymore. I probably didn't finish it. hahaha...

Going into the movie I had no expectations, I guess part of the reason why I liked it. The movie was great, not awesome, but great none the less. There was no dull part in the movie although there were parts that were confusing because they would shift scenes too quickly without much transition. But I think what I loved most about the movie was Jake...hahahaha...Maybe it's a thing I have for dirty looking, long haired leading men...in movies. hahahaha. Rain was the same way in Ninja Assassin and he was way hot there. The abs help too. hahahaha...:) But in real life, they look too dirty for my taste. I love that I'm with someone I can appreciate...after a good bath. hahahah...I'm kidding bu! :P

I would recommend you see Prince of Persia if you want a movie that's not going to bore you. :)

On a side note, what made this movie even better was the fact that I saw some of my old teammates after. They were at an ingress so I stopped by to say hello. :) I'm happy I resigned, I just miss them. :) See you next weekend girls! I hope. :)

Learning new things from church...

I have been battling with hate recently. I keep telling myself it's time to let go...but it's harder than I thought it would be. Then yesterday, I went to church with the bu and I got a reminder that God made us out of His own likeness. He made us to be like Him and I know God doesn't hate. That struck me. I want to be a better person so that by the time I find new work, I can honestly say I am a better version of what I used to be.

I read that we are made out of love and that we should be testaments to that by living a life filled with love. So starting today I will try to be like this. Look at everything from a different perspective. I am sorry for my outburst of anger this morning, an entirely different story all together. But from now on, I will try to remember to look at things from a different perspective. :)

Positivity is the key. hahaha...:D

~ The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less. ~
Eldridge Cleaver

Inspiration from the most unlikely places...

Today while waiting in line at the supermarket I came across someone that reminded me that I should always be thankful of what God has blessed me with. There's a story behind this. Let me explain...

There was one time I was on the way home from work when I saw a guy who came from a construction site. There was nothing out of the ordinary about him except that he looked like he was almost 70. I do not exaggerate. He really looked like he should be enjoying his life and not working himself to the bone. I have this belief that people should be able to enjoy their lives when they're older. I also have this belief that people should be given the chance to make their lives better and not have to live from hand to mouth. How can someone who earns minimum wage support a family, give his kids a good education and save for the future? It's a sad reality that we must live in this state and I keep hoping that someday things will change.

That's when I realized that's something that I want to do. I admit I am in no position right now to do anything for them. I have to concentrate on getting myself a job first then help my family then I can help others. :) But I promise that I will do something, no matter how small that something may be, I will do something. :)

I haven't quite figured out what I want to do with my life but I know I want to do something to give others the opportunity to make a better life for themselves. I will get there.

For now I am glad to be reminded that I am lucky. Despite the problems and the hardships I am lucky and very blessed. Thank you God for everything! :) I am learning to not take anything for granted. :)

Inspiration

Going through some blogs of friends I found new inspiration. :) To go out and do what I want. I am jealous of the fact that they have figured out what they want to do and they're actually doing what they can to get it. I admit, I am still lost.

I have yet to figure out what I want to do with my life. But as I do that, I know that God will show me what it is He wants me to do with my life to best serve Him. :)

To get things moving, I started with a list of things that I want to be able to do by the end of this year. Some of which I have already been able to accomplish,the others are well on their way. :)

So cheers to my friends who serve as inspirations. Congratulations on your new lives. Kudos on your bravery and sense of adventure. I will get there soon! :)

The way to gain a good reputation, is to endeavor to be what you desire to appear.
- Socrates

One week down.

It's been a week since I became a free agent. :) I literally spent this week not doing anything except the things that I wanted to do. I watched my shows, I met up with friends, I spent time with Miggy and my family, I brought Sofia to the park, I slept late just because. It was so much fun. I realized I have been taking my life for granted. Well, not anymore. This time around I'm going to do everything I can to lead a well balanced life.

It's funny, my cousin texted me last night, she just wanted to let me know she was doing something that she thought might make me feel bad. But I told her to go ahead, I'm proud of her accomplishments and everything she's done with her life. :) I could only wish my kids would grow up to be as innovative and creative as her. :) So I told her to go ahead and make me proud. :)

The thought of not working is quite scary, especially now when the reality of it all is hitting me. I have lots of bills to pay and I don't want to burden my parents with these anymore. Hence the reason I should make a more conscious effort to spend less, especially on useless things. And I must find something I am passionate about and go get it. :)

I must share, one of the things I wrote down in the list I had to do during this time I spend without work is for me to get my relationship with God back. So I made a promise that I would go to church every week and pray every night. :) So far, I feel great. Must keep this up. I must remember to never take for granted anything or anyone in my life. Things change so fast it's best to keep reminding yourself where you are, where you came from and where you're going. :) Here's to positive futures.

Ideas. Ideas. Ideas.

I have been talking to friends, about possible business ideas and the other day I sat down with one of my closests friends. And over a few glasses of soda (which I think were too much for me, but what the h*ll, hahaha) she shared with me a lot of her ideas. I admit, I got really confused. She had all these great ideas and they were amazing. But they were everywhere. Which I shared with her. :) So now we've agreed to take it one step at a time. One idea at a time, who knows we might end up having a conglomerate in the future. You'll never know.

All these ideas, must be put into action soon. :) I enjoyed my first week of freedom, but now...hahaha...I am getting uneasy. I need something to do. I was not made for just sitting around. My head will explode. It's actually a good thing that I've been sick the past 2 days, at least I had that to think about.

So next week, I will be full on job hunting while thinking of other things I can do with my time. :) Wish me luck!

Looking Back...

I was searching for photos of me through my other SNS and I came across this one album of the bu and I when we were still in college. Hahaha...It is amazing how things change. We look like kids. Here's a couple.




Quite funny, how fast things change. Here's what we look like today...I still look kinda the same. Someone...ehehe...needs to run some more. :P Loko lang bu!

Health...

In an effort to be healthier and more active I finally convinced my brother to take me running! :) Ok, I admit I was sooo bad at it I couldn't even run a whole lap. Hahaha...but I walked a lot. But let's be fair, the last time I actually was active was in 4th year high school give or take a few other times in college, but that was it. I have become a sloth. :P So I wrote a list of things I wanted to accomplish this year. One thing on that list was that I wanted to be more active. So there you go, I am starting.

I know I totally sucked at running, yes...apparently you can suck at running. hahaha...bad form, bad breathing, painful leg. But in the end, the heart is in the right place. I will be active! :) I will.



This is what I'm going to look like hopefully after all this. My goal to become like before, or better. :)

It's also my grandma's birthday so we had the traditional Chami for breakfast today and Fifo left for Sing right after. So while we were killing time we took her to the park. It was fun. But tiring. I miss Fia already. But I will see her soon. In Sing hopefully. :)

So today was my first day of being active. It was fun! :) More positive vibes. Oh, and the bu has to be more active too! :P hahaha...he needs to lose weight! :P I love you bu.

Vacationing it...

Today marks the start of my new life. And I spent the day doing nothing. Well fine, I made a trip to the bank. For me. But still. I did nothing. And it was glorious. :) It feels so good not having to do anything. Not having to wake up too early. Ok, so I do still wake up early cause of Miggy. But then I get to go back to sleep. :) What a wonderful feeling.

Now, don't get me wrong. I am slowly panicking. This is real. This is it. The pressure is on. To figure out what it is that makes me happy. :) In the mean time. I'm keeping my head up above the water and taking it one day at a time! :)

This one's for you God! Thank you!

“ To be yourself in a world that’s constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Goodbyes

Yesterday was the first day I didn't have to work in the office. It's the last work week for me with my former employer. It's bittersweet actually.



One of the things I will miss most is the team. It was such a fun group of people and the amount of time that I spent in that company, I have managed to build new friendships that will last a lifetime. I can't really explain and put in to words what I feel right now. It wont do them justice. But I miss them, and hopefully we get to hang out soon enough! :)

All Family Weekend

I spent the whole weekend with my family and it was awesome! :)

After skipping out on so many Sunday lunches with the family I was able to go to one last Sunday and it was awesome. :) My tita Baby is the cutest, she kept telling me she was going to take me to Europe. Told her I wanted to go to Greece and she said that wouldn't be a problem. hahaha...:) too cute. She just made me promise that I would have to keep praying that the deal they're working on will push through. So yay. I am praying. Greece, here I come!

Yesterday, I spent the morning voting, the afternoon sleeping, the evening with my family. A perfect way to end my weekend. :)

Thank you Lord for my wonderful weekend and the weekends I have yet to have now that I'm officially done with work by the end of this week.

Anger. Resentment. Hurt. Hope.

I was actually very angry, resentful and above all hurt about the things I learned the other day. So angry in fact that it took me awhile longer until I was able to look at it from a different angle. I talked it out, with everyone who would listen, thank God there were a lot. And after everything, I realized one thing. Let it be. At least that's what my mom advised me.

She said let it be. So I am trying...to let it go because in the end I have no one to answer to but God and when I get to talk to Him I'm pretty sure he understands what I'm going through. I don't pray as often as I'd like anymore. So that's going to be part of my new life. Getting back my lost relationship with God. :)I have hope that after all this, after looking back at everything from a detached point of view I will see the purpose of it all. I will figure out that in the end, I turned out to be a better person. At least that's what I hope to be.

Girlfriends!

Friends are confidants, companions, support systems and allies. My friends, they're family, my sisters from a different mother and I love them.

Last night was the first time I saw my girls after a month long hiatus, which felt too long, and I had soooo much fun. I spent most of the time telling them about what happened to me, what I learned recently and what I should and shouldn't do. It was a horribly painful experience. I hate hearing myself whine. I do. I apologized, I just needed to get it out, especially to friends whom I know would understand me. They think it's high time I resign too! :)

It's not about finding someone who will take your side. It's more of finding people who will listen and give you their opinion without fear that you'll hate them for it. From these girls, I'll take anything they can throw at me cause they know I'll be the same with them if I need to be. I'm just lucky that they see it the same way I do and that they think I'm doing the right thing.

So thanks girls, for the wonderful night I had last night. It was a total reprieve from everything! I love you!

Options

There are sooo many options for someone who wants to make the most of their time! :) Jobs are a mouse click away. Travel is cheaper and easier to get by. Ideas are every where. Hence the reason why my sister-in-law, brother and I have decided we want to start a business. What exactly I have yet to research on. :) But...I have high hopes for our business. hahaha...whatever that is. :) For now, it's back to work! :) Must rest for my really long day ahead!

The Great Unkown

I am not someone who goes into the great unknown without a great big flashlight to guide me! If possible, I bring a map and a guide! hahaha...I like being sure. I like knowing. But in the next couple of weeks, I do not know what lies ahead. And I am excited! :)

The past few days, the reality of everything is slowly getting to me. Planning for vacations with my friends in the office make me realize I have nothing else planned for after the 14th. I have bought books and I do plan to catch up on my reading. But I don't plan on doing that for very long. A young person like me has tons of potential. I didn't say that, my friend did. I'm not THAT narcissistic, yet. hahaha...so I don't plan on wasting time. The rest is much needed and will be greatly appreciated. I'm taking a couple of weeks off then I'm taking the Great Unknown head on! World, prepare yourself! :P

Last of what was...

This weekend was my last working weekend! :) Woot woot! This Mother's Day I'll be able to spend time with my mom! What a wonderful feeling.

It was my grandfather's birthday yesterday and it was the first time I actually got to talk to my family (well aunts) about my decision to resign. Well, they asked me what the reason was. Why did I decide to resign after all this time? Why now when I don't have a back up plan. Answer was easy. It was the right time. There were a few words that I choose to bleep out as I maintain the positive, hahaha...but we all agreed it is time. :)

I have one event left on Tuesday then I'm wrapping things up and passing them on. I am two weeks closer to my new life! Just me and the unknown. And for once, I'm not scared of it! :D