Moving on...

I am mad. Very. I have been trying to be patient and nice and well, mature. But sometimes you get pushed and in the end...you snap and they get what they're asking for.

Breathe in. Breathe out. I can do this.

Dear Jess, I need you. Please help me not go back to angry-angsty me. I am over that. Thank you.

Dear God...

In the past few weeks I have been trying to get back the person that I am and I believe I am well on the way. :) I am becoming happy once again. :) I am becoming more alive. I have figured out what makes me happy and what doesn't. I have met people who inspire me, continue to harbor healthy relationships with everyone I love, and continue to live a life I would only hope would make You happy.

But today I need You. I need patience, lots of it. I will not be angry. I will let it go. But I cannot do it alone. So please Lord, give me strength. I really need it.

Anger. Resentment. Hurt. Hope.

I was actually very angry, resentful and above all hurt about the things I learned the other day. So angry in fact that it took me awhile longer until I was able to look at it from a different angle. I talked it out, with everyone who would listen, thank God there were a lot. And after everything, I realized one thing. Let it be. At least that's what my mom advised me.

She said let it be. So I am trying...to let it go because in the end I have no one to answer to but God and when I get to talk to Him I'm pretty sure he understands what I'm going through. I don't pray as often as I'd like anymore. So that's going to be part of my new life. Getting back my lost relationship with God. :)I have hope that after all this, after looking back at everything from a detached point of view I will see the purpose of it all. I will figure out that in the end, I turned out to be a better person. At least that's what I hope to be.