It's just not my day...

When I was younger I would always pray to God for a sign. Whatever it was, be it my chinese test, "Lord give me a sign if I will pass this test", or a crush, "Lord please give me a sign that we were meant for each other". Everything in my life needed a sign...and then you realize that signs are everywhere. Once you start looking for signs they just seem to be all over the place. And it dawned on me, every sign that I wanted to see is me somehow interpreting things the way I want them to be interpreted. So I grew up and I learned not to ask for signs anymore. I learned to trust in God because whatever life throws at me I know there has got to be a reason for it.

Today was not a good day. 

It started out great but everything quickly turned horrible. I don't even know how to begin to explain how I'm feeling right now. Hurt. Exhausted. Disappointed. Rejected. Those are just some of the adjectives I can think of right now but I it doesn't really sum it up. Right now as I type this though I just feel empty, lost. I know these things have a way of working themselves out and I believe that things happen for a reason. But allow me this one day to feel horrible about it and maybe tomorrow when the day starts anew I can get a fresh perspective and see things a little bit lighter.

Today was a horrible day...but there's always tomorrow.

Anger. Resentment. Hurt. Hope.

I was actually very angry, resentful and above all hurt about the things I learned the other day. So angry in fact that it took me awhile longer until I was able to look at it from a different angle. I talked it out, with everyone who would listen, thank God there were a lot. And after everything, I realized one thing. Let it be. At least that's what my mom advised me.

She said let it be. So I am trying...to let it go because in the end I have no one to answer to but God and when I get to talk to Him I'm pretty sure he understands what I'm going through. I don't pray as often as I'd like anymore. So that's going to be part of my new life. Getting back my lost relationship with God. :)I have hope that after all this, after looking back at everything from a detached point of view I will see the purpose of it all. I will figure out that in the end, I turned out to be a better person. At least that's what I hope to be.