Heart break...

Family to me is the most important thing. I grew up surrounded by family. I am close to my first cousins on my mom's side. I love my cousins on my dad's side despite the distance, I grew up in Manila they grew up in the States. I love my aunts, my uncles, my grandparents. I love everybody. My family is my life. If I were given a chance to have a family of my own, my only wish is to be able to give my kids all the love I felt growing up.

Recently however, I have not been getting along with the bu's family, not everyone, just a very select few. I wont go into detail. It is very personal and unless we're close friends you don't need to know. My heart breaks thinking about it. I don't want for the bu to be put in a position where he will have to take a side. I will never let that happen because in the end as I said family is the most important. My only wish is for things to settle. Let cooler heads come and let things go. I made mistakes but I was also wronged.

It's hard. To be put in this position, where you don't know what to do anymore. I want to live a peaceful life. I want to be happy. I am actually. :) I am in a much better place. I like what I do, I spend time with the people I love, doing the things I love to do. :) But wouldn't it be better if you were able to share things with the people you hold most dear. I only wish for things to go back to the way they were. If only. I will keep praying. I have done my part. Now all I can do is let God take hold of the situation. Whatever His will may be. :)

Let it be said however, that the bu has been the most adult of all and because of everything I love him more. :) Thank you bu, for being the best person in the world. For loving, listening and understanding. For telling me what's right and what's wrong. For trying to understand where I am coming from, for being there for me. You are my rock and you will continue to be. I love you!

Testing my resolve

I've lifted everything to God. I let it go. It actually felt really good. Like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Then last night as I was getting a massage I get a text message that I was being blamed for something I had no control over. That I didn't do. Another one of those blatant lies that are so common now a days. Wow...my anger lit up like someone was boiling my blood on high. Seriously. Thinking about it now still infuriates me.

But...this morning I tweeted about it and then I decided I am better than that. So now...I am lifting it all up to God and praying that the negativity stay away from me. I must remember that life is short. I will not spend any more of my time thinking bad thoughts.

Letting go and letting God...

I hate over thinking. You keep getting to the worst possible scenario and once you get there you always have that hanging over your head. Well, I'm done with that. I have been carrying a heavy burden with me the past couple of months and as time goes by I get more agitated. I think it is because I still cannot understand what's taking so long. Also because I can't understand why...about a lot of things.

So let me say one thing about it as I lift it up to God. I am human too, I have feelings, I make mistakes. I made a mistake I apologized. I got hurt too but I do not take it against them. Not anymore. There is nothing gained from harboring ill feelings. I am a better person than that. So I prayed this morning in church for God to take away my anger and my pain and let Him take control of whatever comes next.

I only hope it gets resolved sooner rather than later. Life is short. I will not waste it on sadness or anger. I am happy and I intend to keep it that way.